f you are in an abusive relationship, you may be afraid, and leaving can be dangerous. Whether you are still in an abusive relationship or trying to get out, it is vital to take precautions to protect yourself. Below is a list of suggestions that may help protect you. Some information on this page is adapted from material distributed by the Utah Domestic Violence Council and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
You have the right to live without fear and violence. Being abused is never your fault, and although you can not control your abuser’s violence, you do have a choice about how to respond and how to get to safety. First, decide for yourself if and when to tell others that you have been abused or are still at risk. Friends, family, and co-workers can help protect you if they know what is happening and what they can do to help. Finally, personalize your safety plan. Take the information below into consideration, and then tailor your plan to be most beneficial for you.
Safety Planning Tips
During an abusive incident
- Try to position yourself in a room with an exit – a window or door leading outside. Stay away from rooms that have no exit, may contain weapons, or have hard surfaces like the bathroom or kitchen.
- Try to get to a room with a phone or have a cell phone that you keep with you.
- Plan ahead – have a safe route to get out. Which door or window will be best? What elevator or stairwell should you use? If you can not practice your escape, imagine it in your mind several times.
- Pack a bag with important items and documents – suggestions are below.
- Plan where you will go, you can always call 801-255-1095 for shelter services or the statewide domestic violence LINKLine at 1-800-897-LINK (5465).
- Trust and use your instincts and judgment.
- Tell your children to never get involved during an argument between you and your abuser. Devise a 911 code word and share it with your neighbors, children, family, and anyone else that may be able to help. Inform them that if they hear an argument and they hear the 911 code word to call the police immediately.
When preparing to leave
Remember – leaving can be a very dangerous time. It is important to be mindful of your safety and if possible, have and rehearse a safety plan.
- If possible, have a safety plan. Review the information on this website to prepare yourself.
- Review your safety strategy often to plan the safest way to leave.
- Gather the items listed below (important things to take with you) and store them in a safe place. Consider leaving these items with a trusted friend or family member.
- Keep shelter/hotline numbers with you at all times. Ensure that your cell phone is fully charged at all times. Our staff is ready to help you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call 801-255-1095. Get Help Now.
- Open a bank account in your name to establish or increase your independence. Ensure that your statement is sent to a safe address.
- If you have pets, make arrangements for them in case of an emergency.
- Know who can provide you with temporary lodging or provide you with the financial resources to rent a room for a few nights.
Important things to take with you
In some instances, it is not in the interest of your safety to take the time to collect everything on this list. Your safety should be the utmost priority. However, when possible it is a good idea to collect these items before you leave. Have them readily available and consider keeping them in a safe place like at a neighbor or family member's house.
Identification
- Driver license
- Birth certificate (for you and your children)
- Social security cards
Financial
- Money (cash and any credit cards in your name)
- Checking and savings account information
- Loan /investment Information
Legal Papers
- Order of Protection
- House deed or rental lease agreement
- Car title, registration, and Insurance
- Health or life insurance Information
- Medical records (for you and your children)
- School records
- Work permit / Permanent Resident Card / Visa / ITIN Number / Passport / Matricula Consular
- Divorce and custody paperwork
- Marriage license
- Tax return from the previous year
Other Items
- Medication and glasses/contacts
- Extra house and car keys
- Safety deposit box keys
- Valuable jewelry
- Change of clothing (for you and your children)
- Current photos of you, your children, and your abuser
- Vaccination and immunization records
If you have left an abusive relationship
- Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows. Consider adding outside security lighting. Purchase rope ladders, if necessary.
- Request an unlisted telephone number.
- Never tell your abuser where you live. Tell your children to do the same.
- Discuss a safety plan with your children. Inform them where to go and what to do if they see the abuser.
- Inform your neighbors, landlord, neighborhood watch program, and anyone else who you feel may be helpful that your abuser does not live with you and that if they see them they should call the police.
- Call the police if your abuser threatens you, your children, or your property.
- Tell your children’s school, daycare, or sitter who has permission to pick up the children.
- Screen your calls.
- Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries, or other incidents involving the abuser.
- Avoid staying alone.
- Plan how you would get away if your abuser confronted you.
- If you have to meet your abuser, do so in a public place. Let someone know when and where the meeting is taking place.
- Vary your routines. If possible, change your work hours and employee parking space.
At work
- Notify your supervisor and human resources about your situation. Provide them copies of your Order or Protection and a recent photo of the abuser.
- Discuss what options are available (scheduling, safety precautions, employee assistance benefits, etc.).
- South Valley Services Prevention and Education Team offers training to businesses/workplaces about domestic violence and what you can do to help out an employee that is in a domestic violence situation. Learn more about our services.
Your safety and emotional health
- If you are planning to return to a potentially abusive situation, discuss an alternative plan with a person you trust.
- If you must communicate with your abuser, determine the safest way to do so.
- Be assertive with others about what you need.
- Don’t be afraid to call the police and to ask for medical treatment. Photograph all injuries.
- Decide who you can call and talk to freely and openly, someone who can give you the support you need.
- Keep a journal. This journal can also be used to document any court violations, specific incidents of abuse, and any other important information you want to record. Record all contact with the batterer. Always keep this journal away from your abuser. You may want to keep it at your office or with a friend or family member. Save all messages/recordings from the abuser.
